People we meet and have to see on a regular basis can have a negative affect on your life and self-confidence, but only if you let them. Around two years ago I was speaking with a long term client of mine (Ian) who was having similar problems of his own. He had been very successful in business and had reached the level of director in the company where he worked, he had previously owned a composite doors company where he sold amongst other things composite front doors. We were discussing this very subject and he admitted that he had an over-aggressive boss who I think was the chairman of the company. I can not remember the chairmans name, however for the purpose of this article I will call him John.

This was the situation Ian described to me. John would e-mail him in the morning with a question asking why the north-west of the country had not been as profitable in the last quarter compared to its usual levels. He would then arrange a meeting with Ian for the late afternoon to discuss the reasons. Ian then seeked the help of his lower managers prior to writing his report and going to the meeting.

Ian was a person who had a slight speech impediment, known as stuttering. He would be able to talk fluently most of the time, however if he felt nervous or if he felt under pressure, he would then start having problems getting his words out and would stutter. He had tried on many occassions to find a way of how to stop stuttering but had never quite managed to do so. Ian also had words he thought of as difficult and would often avoid these type of words. Within the report he made sure that he only included words that he thought he would have no problem in saying; free from stuttering that is.

In the afternoon who would go and meet John and present his report to him. He stated that he would have no problem with his speech at this stage and that the presentation would be delivered smoothly and fluently.

On hearing the report, John would not make any comment and would instead basically just stare at Ian, slowly nodding his head up and down at the same time. Ian described this as making him feel very uncomfortable and was just praying for the silence to end and for his chairman to say something. The words from the chairman would not come and so to break the silence Ian would then continue speaking giving more reasons which were probably not correct and that were certainly not planned. These words were also not spoken fluently but with Ian struggling and stuttering.

I had a little think about what Ian had told me and felt angry at John.

I then advised the approach what I would take if I were in a similar situation. I advised Ian to end his presentation with a question, for example, this is what I believe are the reasons, however I would value your opinion as chairman of the company.

He can then nod and stare for as long as he likes, it is his turn to talk next and Ian can sit there comfortably and just be patient.

John has now changed career and is currently working in the jobs in foster care industry. He has told me that he has no such problems with the people that he is now working with.